We are a few days before celebrating Valentine's Day. I have always loved Valentines Day and my wonderful husband has used it many times to express love in bonus doses. It has not been celebrated everyyear for different reasons, such as him not being home, decreased finances, etc., but the years that we are able to do some special things makes those times extra special. All married lives have ups and downs as do the live of single folks. Single folks tend to hate this time of year as it causes pain and a reminder of not having a close, intimate relationship with a loved one. Friend, I hope to help you be able to celebrate Valentine's Day this year.
Relational injuries suffered during childhood years and from adult relationships keep us from forming healthy relationships and even from feeling good about ourselves. I am working on a book "Comfortable in My Own Skin" that I hope will help you feel good about yourself--so good that you don't have to think about yourself and all the bad things that have happened to you.
A valentine is a sweet-heart chosen or greeted on Saint Valentine's Day. Did you read the definition closely? The sweet-heart is "chosen" or greeted". Friend, you are already chosen (now stay with me) and actually loved. I know you don't feel it yet but the love' never-the-less, exists. 1 John 4:19 (NIV): "We love because He first loved us." It is a short verse but packed full of great information. I hope that you take the information and use it to turn your love life around. Once you accept in your mind and heart that God loves you then you will be able to feel love. The plain truth is that God loves us. You may have problems feeling His love or even accepting His love because of past relational injuries. He knows that. Vs 18 (MSG) says: "There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life--fear of death, fear of judgment--is one not yet fully formed in love." Those injuries of yours has resulted in all sorts of fears. And as you well know, fears are disabling. But what you don't realize is that fears are reversible and can be cured. The memories of those injuries can be healed by God's Word (still follow me). Vs 19 (MSG) tells us about the turn-around: "We, though, are going to love--love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first."
I know, I know! Things have happened to you that is very unfair and probably at your most vulnerable time. Friend, I am so very sorry that those things happened to you. You are right! It was unfair and you had no control over it--and that makes it even worse. You might even be angry with God for allowing such a thing to happen to you. (Just take yourself back to the beginning in Genesis when He made everything perfect for us but we messed up and behaved badly.) If only you could have controlled it. Perhaps you replay the tape of it over and over again hoping to change it. Face it, my love, you can't change the past. But you can have the memories healed--not erased--but healed. Those memories continue to haunt you and control you. Now you don't want it to control you, do you? I didn't think so! My friend, it is not you who can heal your memories--it is God. He wants to heal you so you can feel His love and love back. Romans 12:2 (NLT): "Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think, then you will know what God wants you to do." Make a decision this very second to change your way of thinking. Allow yourself to think God's way. You can do it--with His help--just ask Him!!
Ok. Are you ready for change? We are revisiting two 21 Day Journal Notes in case you didn't feel you needed them the first time I posted them. Handwriting these journal notes causes a connection between your brain and your mind (susbconscious) to happen. Dr. Caroline Leaf has written a couple of books about this phenomenon and how it is proven effect. Everyone knows that it takes 21 days to change a habit and that you have to replace a bad one with a good one. This is the same principle. Please, please want it (a happy Valentine's Day) bad enough that you will pull out a notebook and change your way of life. I experienced incredible changes by this method.
21 Day Journal Note # 10
How to Overcome Past Relational Pain
Psalm 37 (NIV)
Vs. 1. Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong. Vs. 7. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Vs. 8. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret--it leads only to evil. Vs. 9. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.
I am not fretting and worrying because of past relational pain. Instead, I am standing still before You Lord, waiting patiently and calmly for You. I refuse to get stuck in an angry rut toward people who have hurt me. I choose to forgive them. Fretting and worrying produces only one thing and that is bad behavior. Bad behavior breaks up relationships. God, You are dealing with bad behavior whether it is mine or others. Father, thank You for helping me to thrive!
end of journal note.
You can tell by this journal note (God's word) that we sometimes prevent our healing because of anger. We love to nurse anger inside of us. It's our way of getting back at the other person (or is it?). I think we may hold onto anger in honor of our injured self. If we let go of it are we telling ourselves that we aren't worth the fight (inside of ourselves)? That's the scam that satan is selling you and you are buying it. Well buy no more. God's word is free and freeing and loving.
Relational pain usually involves some form of rejection or abandonment. The next journal note speaks to it.
21 Day Journal Note # 13
Fear of Rejection
2 Timothy 1:7 (combined versions) God did not give me a spirit of fear/timidty, but He gave me a Spirit of power, love and self-discipline/sound mind.
My fear of future relational pain is from Satan. I refuse to feel this unnecessary fear. God, I have Your power and love infused in me. I have Your sound mind to think rationally and calmly when in the middle of being relationally challenged. I have self-discipline to use all of Your wonderful gifts and promises. Future relational pain will sting but I will not be devastated.
end of journal note. Hand write this one for 21 days to dissolve your fear of future relationships. This fear dooms the relationship before it ever has a chance. Get rid of the fear and get love.
My friend, do you have hope now? Handwrite these 2 notes and start to feel the effects by day 4 but continue to day 21 to fully change your love life.
But I want to ask you one more thing? Do you love Jesus? Did you know that God loved you so much that He gave up His only Son to pay the price for our bad behavior? Yes!! God gave up (sacrificed) Jesus for you and Jesus gave up (sacrificed) His own life for you. Now that's true love. Are you giving up (sacrificing) yourself and committing to Jesus? He wants you to so that your love life will be so fully satisfying that nothing compares to it. Love is really about sacrificing and giving up things for those you love (or hope to love in the future). Giving up anger and resentment frees you up to feel God's love and do all the great life things that God wants you to do. Remember at the beginning we discovered that Valentine's Day is about chosing a sweet-heart. Well, Jesus wants you to choose Him. Choose Jesus and you'll have a life-time full of love.
My Valentine Friend, I love you and pray that you will enjoy this holiday like you've never imagine it to turn out.
Jesus' healing and peace and love to all, Wynndy
